I was perusing my normal websites this morning to find a topic for this blog. One the sites I use is Foxnews.com. Fox is my network of choice for what is going on in the world. In my experience they tend to be more conservative, and I trust their slant on things more than I do other networks.
In my search, my eyes fell on an article called, “College Dating: To Hook Up or Couple Up?” Normally I would not pull up such an article, but I was intrigued at what they might say. I should not have been surprised, but the further I read, the more I was sickened by the content.
The author of the piece (Ian Kerner, who defines himself as a sex therapist, author, and founder of something called “GoodinBed”) states that he is going to give a few tips for college dating. First, he encourages the students to decide if they just want to “hook up” or “couple-up.” He asks them if they are ready to “add a new leaf in the romance department,” however I can’t find much in his advice that has anything in the least to do with being romantic.
First off, he assumes that dating will include “casual sex.” One of the benefits ascribed to “hooking up” is that it will require less time and effort than a more serious relationship (or any of their college exams!) Oh, and he declares it is a great way to develop “sexual technique” without fear of “being judged by someone you really care about.” It is like sexual ”training wheels” for “that future special someone.” Isn’t that what every woman (or man) longs for? That their future spouse has gotten all their sexual kinks out with someone else (or many others?)
Mr. Keene does encourage those just “hooking up” to be safe. He warns that the more partners one has, the greater the chance of sleeping with someone with a disease. And that “the increased use of a condom does not seem great enough to offset the higher risks of disease.” However, what is his conclusion: use a condom and practice safe sex. (Really? What is safe, especially if condoms aren’t enough?) I guess the author has not seen the statistics that with many sexual partners the chance of getting pelvic inflammatory disease, which can lead to cancer, is 100%. Or perhaps he has, but being a sex therapist, he doesn’t really care. After all, isn’t there a shot for that?
He goes on to quote a female anthropologist named Helen Fisher, who describes love as a three-phase system. They are: lust, attraction and attachment. Seriously, have we gotten to the point in our society that lust is described as the first stage in relationships? I don’t agree; but if this is even remotely true it is incredibly sad. Just from the way we are made, I know this cannot be true for most women. The only saving grace of our society is that throughout history women have been looking primarily for love and an emotional attachment and have not been driven by sexual passion. If that has changed we are all in great trouble.
I have mentioned before the great damage that I think is being done by the entertainment industry. It shocks and saddens me to see beautiful young women scantily dressed and singing in graphic terms about their sexual desires and even using and abusing their partners. And it seems like women have become little more than sexual objects, often termed as whores, in songs I have tried to listen to, but can’t seem to make it all the way through. The songs are too degrading and revolting to listen to, even as research.
I am reading a book right now entitled, “Unmasked: Exposing the Cultural Sexual Assault” by Jim Anderson. One of his comments on the sexual nature of our society and its relation to abortion particularly struck me. He states: “Abortion is about the worship of sex. The fight over abortion is not simply about the killing of innocent children or the so-called ‘freedom of choice.’ Rather, it is an attempt to remove any restrictions, boundaries, or limitations on sex- homosexual or heterosexual- period. When sex is worshipped, there has to be abortion….. The presence of a child demands a family, commitment and permanence. Therefore, in order for sex to continue without restrictions, the children must be silenced.”
Let’s just imagine for a moment that we are speaking to a visitor from another planet. They are looking at the conditions in our nation and see that the rate of mothers having babies apart from marriage is continuing to climb. The prognosis for these children is not good: most will live in poverty; in addition, 80% of those in prison come from single parent homes. STD’s are on a rampage, and millions of unborn babies continue to die. What is the cause of all this, the visitor asks? There is only one answer: casual sex.
However, the visitor has seen our movies and watched television. He knows the lifestyle portrayed: sex, sex and more sex. So he asks: if casual sex is destroying so many things, why aren’t young people being warned? Why is it presented as such a great and natural thing?
Great question. We have become so consumed with sex in our society that we have lost our sanity. It has infected every corner of life, even into the church. Where is the romance? When did that first time of letting your hands touch another’s lose its magic? Or when did that first kiss at the end of a date lose its toe-tingling allure?
The Relationship Department for the AAA Center for Pregnancy Counseling goes into the schools and encourages young people to have enough respect for themselves and their plans for the future to save sex for that one special person that they marry. They use an illustration that life is like a flower. Every time you have sex outside of marriage, one of the petals is ripped off. What will you have left for your husband or wife on your wedding night?
Our dismal divorce rate is further proof that casual sex is not only destroying lives, but also families. What we do when we are young will affect future generations. Let’s encourage students entering college to bring back the romance. Go out in groups until you find someone special. Then, take it slow. Let the romance develop. The best sex takes place in marriage and slowly unfolds during a lifetime of commitment. Anything else is a cheap fraud and a lie.
Keeping it true! Barb