Having A Baby: Punishment or Blessing?

Do you remember when President Obama was on the campaign trail and someone asked him about his opinion on abortion? I’m not sure what his whole answer was, but I do remember him saying that if either of his daughter’s got pregnant he would hate to see them “punished with a baby.”

There was a recent editorial in the New York Times by Op-Ed Columnist, Charles Blow, which made much the same comment. He was pointing out all the pro-life legislation which has been passed on the state level this year, as well as the movement to de-fund Planned Parenthood. His response? “This is what we’re saying (by passing the legislation): actions have consequences. If you didn’t want a child, you shouldn’t have sex. You must be punished by becoming a parent even if you know that you are not willing or able to be one.”

“Punished by becoming a parent.” I’m having a little trouble getting my thoughts around that concept. Who exactly is it that is doing the punishing? Isn’t pregnancy a natural outcome from having sex? Doesn’t everyone know (except maybe for the very young) that this is a possible result when one has relations with a person of the opposite sex? Of course, what Mr. Blow is implying is that women are being “punished” by restrictions intended to make abortion harder to obtain.

Actually, the article goes on to explain that it is not really the woman but the child who, in his words, “will be punished most by our current policies that increasingly advocate for ‘unborn children’ but fall silent for those outside the womb.” I wonder if Mr. Blow knows that they are one and the same thing: every child outside the womb (including himself!) was once in the womb. Life is a continuation; we are who we are from the moment of conception. I guess what he is trying to say is that some children are best helped by killing them just in case their lives may not turn out so well after they are born.

Mr. Blow and I have vastly different definitions for insanity and how a “rational society” operates.  In his opinion, in the face of the rising tide of unintended babies born to poor women and statistics showing that such children are more likely to live in poverty (plus eventually going to prison, dropping out of school, having a teen pregnancy, etc.) the only logical thing for us to do is  (wait for it…) do a “better, more focused job of teaching sex education and providing contraceptive options.” Oh, and this was my favorite: “We have to remove the stigma and judgment around sex.” After all, “sex isn’t bad or unnatural. It’s one of the most natural things that we do. It just needs to be safe and responsible.” Plus maybe add allowing unrestricted abortions so we can get rid of all those pregnancies that women are being punished with.

Well, Mr. Blow, how much sex education will be enough? And, what is it supposed to teach? Because I think most of our young people get the point about how to do it.  Our “entertainment industry” is taking care of that. So, what you really mean is that we need to do a better job of teaching people how to avoid the downside of all that sex, like sexually transmitted diseases or those pesky pregnancies. After all, we can’t tell people to stop “doing what comes naturally.”

I actually agree with Mr. Blow about several things. We are definitely reaching a crisis point with children born into single parent households. Their futures do indeed tend to be filled with poverty and a whole litany of problems. However,  I would argue vehemently that a child is never helped by snuffing out its life before it is even born.  All life is sacred, and only God has the right to determine when each life should end.

Mr. Blow admits that the situation is getting worse instead of better, in spite of the fact that we seem to be tossing birth control pills and condoms at our young people as fast as we can. The failure rate for this method of addressing the problem is overwhelming and yet the powers that be keep insisting that it will work if we just do it more. This makes about as much sense as throwing gasoline on a burning fire: MORE GASOLINE WILL NEVER MAKE THE FLAMES GO OUT!

Others like Mr. Blow keep telling us that abstinence is not realistic. In fact, like him, they extol its glories. The more sex the better! Don’t be a morally uptight prude.

However, the facts are the facts. It is not a lack of education or contraceptives that is causing these problems, it is sexual activity outside of the guidelines which God set in place. We were designed to have sex with one person in the protective confines of marriage; men with women, women with men.  When we abuse our bodies with sex outside of these boundaries, there are natural consequences. Diseases occur because of the abuse.  Children suffer when they are born without the protective environment of a home with both parents.

Do I know how we can turn things back and undo all that has gone wrong? I know it won’t be simple. It will require an entire transformation of how we think and act. It will take a return to God and obedience to His Word. Until then, things will continue to get worse.  And that, Mr. Blow, is the definition of insanity.

Keeping it true!  Barb

Nebraska Parental Consent Law Takes Effect: Why It Is So Important!

A few weeks ago, I told you the story of Kara, a teen-age girl who had intended on aborting until her mother was notified of her intentions. Kara was in the process of attempting to get a judicial bypass when her mother was notified by the abortion clinic of her appointment, as mandated by the Parental Notification Law. After assuring Kara that the family loved her and would care for both her and her unborn child, as well as speaking with an aunt who has lived a life-time of regret after an abortion, she decided to cancel her appointment.

Kara and her mother returned recently for another ultrasound. They brought along Kara’s  young daughter, a beautiful little girl with big eyes and a bright smile, obviously being raised in a loving home. Kara was excited to see how much her unborn child had grown; the baby was moving all around, little arms and legs clearly visible and with a strong heartbeat. All her doubt about keeping the baby was gone. In fact, Kara and her boyfriend had just gotten married!

The new Parental Consent Law just took effect in Nebraska last Saturday, August 27. As of that date, young women under the age of 18 must receive notarized consent from their parents before they can receive an abortion. This is an upgrade from the former Parental Notification Law, in which parents just had to be informed of the abortion appointment before it could take place.

With any law of this type, there is usually a clause added allowing for judicial bypass. I would imagine it would be easier to hold up these bills as unconstitutional without one. After all, the pro-abortion advocates cry, what about the girls who come from abusive homes? In my opinion, this is just a smokescreen: there are already laws in effect to protect girls from parental abuse. Instead, one can usually find a sympathetic judge who will allow the abortion for whatever the cause. It took me just a minute or two to find a couple of websites (one which was sponsored by the abortion clinic) to help girls to use the judicial bypass, even if their parents are the nicest people in the universe.

I read arguments against this law proclaiming that most girls already tell their parents, and those that don’t do it for safety reasons. That has clearly not been my experience. Most young women are wrapped in shame over their pregnancy. They are afraid of disappointing their family and talk of having a secret abortion which no one will ever know about. However, it is never that simple. The pain of abortion often lasts a lifetime and healing is much harder to achieve if it is wrapped in secrecy.

There was a woman who came into the Center not long ago with her daughter. As the younger woman was going through the pregnancy testing process, one of our staff spoke with the mother. She told us that she had an abortion many years before and had never told anyone. She had only been 16 at the time. She spoke of going to the clinic alone, and weeping quietly in her room for weeks following. Even though she made the choice of secrecy, she said she always felt abandoned in her decision. My co-worker was the first person she had ever told. Her pain seemed as fresh as the day she aborted.

It can also be dangerous for families not to be informed. It is not uncommon for women to hemorrhage or have physical complications following an abortion. Emotional consequences, such as deep depression or anger are common. Many times, out of guilt and emotional pain, young women begin to drink or use drugs. Promiscuity is also a common side effect. Without knowledge of the abortion, parents watch helplessly, unaware of what is causing the change in behavior.

With a Parental Consent Law, the family is brought back into the equation. Girls know they cannot hide their pregnancy or sneak off to abort in secret. With love and protection, parents can help their daughters to face the future together.

Of course, we see the flip side of this as well. Some parents demand that their young daughters abort their babies. Thankfully, there is a law to protect young women in this as well. The abortion clinic is required to ask all young women if they are having the abortion against their will. Coerced abortions are illegal. We make it clear to our young patients that we can find them a place to live and help them in whatever way we can.

In this day and age of rampant sexual activity and the ugly consequences, families need more encouragement to communicate, not less. Parents need to step up and keep a closer watch on their children (but this is another topic for another day!) At the very least, this law protects young women from being coerced into abortions by outsiders who do not have her best interests in mind. I’ve read horror stories of school officials taking girls in for abortions during the school day. Young women are also easy prey for coercion by abortion clinic personnel. Judicial bypass still allows for some of this, but hopefully the law will provide a new layer of protection.

Keeping it true!  Barb

 

The Ethics of Starving People to Death

A book has just been published called “A Bittersweet Season,” written by a retired New York Times Reporter, detailing her account of assisting her elderly mother to die of starvation.  Her mother’s health had been deteriorating, but she was not terminally ill. In spite of this fact, this woman was placed in hospice care where she was subsequently deprived of food and water and died 13 days later.

This reporter, Jane Gross, makes no pretense of the fact that she and her mother were not particularly close.  She also admits playing a part in encouraging her mother to die, but that she made sure it was her mother’s decision and was not done out of a desire to spare her children “trouble and expense.” This whole scenario leaves me with so many questions that I don’t even know where to begin!

I don’t know about you, but I consider allowing someone to die of lack of hydration or food to be the height of neglect. Food and water are the most basic of needs. I will never forget seeing horrifying images those who survived the death camps in World War II as no more than walking skeletons. There was an article on-line today about parents who refused to give their small son anything to drink, causing his death. Can this be considered anything less than cruel child abuse?

I started to do a little research and was horrified to learn that euthanasia by dehydration and starvation is becoming more and more common. Especially when an individual is nearing the end, food and water are considered by some to be an “artificial, medical” treatment, instead of just common decency. It has become the new trend in hastening on a speedy end to life.

The opening story made me wonder why a woman without a terminal condition would be in hospice care to begin with. I didn’t think people could enter hospice unless they had received a definite diagnosis of death. I have always thought very highly of hospice care, and it greatly disturbs me that they would allow a patient to enter simply because she decided to starve herself to death.

Ms. Gross states that she made sure that dying was truly her mother’s intent and that she did not feel pressured by family to do so.  However, the article does not mention that the authorities took any measures to make certain that this was the case. No one seemed troubled in the least that this woman wanted to kill herself; the strongest sentiment represented was that the dying process took far too long.

As in the case of all euthanasia, I cannot believe that there will not be thousands of elderly people being convinced by others that they are a burden and should just die and get out-of-the-way. Dehydration and starvation were made out to be painless and simple.  One euthanasia proponent put it this way, “The advantages (of cutting off food and water) are that it demonstrates autonomy, it imposes no burdens or dangers on others and it provides a peaceful death. And…. it is natural.”

Natural? What is natural about allowing one’s aging parents to starve to death? I can think of few other things which would strip one more of one’s dignity.  Depriving another person of food and water goes against everything we believe in as God-fearing human beings.

Our whole family was there when my father-in-law was dying several years ago. He could barely eat, but my daughter fed him a few eggs that morning, which he seemed to enjoy. He was thirsty, so we made sure he had a drink whenever he needed it. And, when he needed more pain meds, those were available as well. He died in his living room, with his wife and children around him. All who were there were comforted that, as his family, they had done all they could for him.

Maybe, in extreme circumstances, there are good reasons to withhold food and water when an elderly person does not have much time left. However, making it a common practice opens the door to all kinds of abuse and even for murder under the guise of compassion. At the very least, it is taking life and death into our hands instead of leaving it in God’s. That is always a dangerous thing to do.

We were discussing as a staff today the number of instances we knew of in which loved ones accepted Christ at the very end of their life. Sometimes it came in the midst of the worst of the suffering and pain. It was at that moment, faced with eternity, that they came to the end of themselves.  How many moments like that are lost when death is taken out of God’s control? Of course, this plays right into Satan’s hands: his goal is for all to find death before finding salvation.

If we as a society let go of common decency and allow our loved ones to die of dehydration and starvation, then we are lost to all that is good. If the best we can do for aging parents is to aid them to die faster and “easier,” then we have not truly loved them. Love encourages and believes and hopes in the midst of all things. It speaks words of meaning and purpose even when the end is in sight. It endures until God calls a dying person home.

Keeping it true!  Barb

Re-Awakening Sleeping Hearts to the Screams of Abortion!

As most of you probably already know,  Abby Johnson used to be the Director of a Planned Parenthood abortion clinic in Texas. Largely because of the prayers of pro-lifers outside of her facility, and the love they poured out to her everyday, her eyes were opened to the truth that abortion kills unborn children. She left Planned Parenthood and has since dedicated her life to ending abortion (her full story can be found in her book, “Unplanned.”)

LifeNews published an article yesterday in which Abby beautifully describes how her cold heart was changed. There was a joke in her office that one could hear babies cry at night if they were all alone. At first that made Abby uneasy, and she even imagined she could hear their wails, but, after time, she grew used to working at night and even preferred it.

She says: “Maybe there weren’t really babies crying in the clinic when I first started going to the clinic alone. But I heard something. I think it was my conscience. The longer I was there, the quieter my conscience became. I silenced my brain. I silenced what I knew was right.”

Because we are frail and sinful creatures this can happen all too easily to any of us. All we have to get is a fraction of an inch off course, and, before we know it, we are miles away from where we should be. We begin by rationalizing a sin in our lives; something we know is wrong, but we really want to do. After all, it isn’t that big a deal, is it?

Abby began to work at Planned Parenthood out of a sincere desire to help young women. Her goal was to assist them to get on contraceptives as a way of reducing abortion. After all, the less pregnancies, the less abortions, right? When she found out the procedures were going on in the same building, at first she was uncomfortable, but she justified it by telling herself that she was helping the women she saw. As she said, it got to the point where she no longer heard the cries of those dying in the very next room.

When I arrived at college as a naive freshman, I was a brand new believer. I was surrounded by people who wanted to do nothing but party and drink. At first I held out, but by second semester I started to go to the bar with them. I rationalized that if I never saw them, how could I share about Christ.  After all, didn’t Jesus go where the people were? Then I began to have a drink or two to feel part of the crowd; I didn’t want to seem self-righteous. Before I knew it, I was partying like the rest of them, and I left my faith far behind.

I’m not saying God will never call you to bars to witness; some do it very well. In reality, I was finding the walk of faith too hard and found excuses to leave it behind and have fun. I know I have to continually read the Bible and pray, as well as staying in fellowship, or I could still be taken down some stray paths.

We had a young woman in our office last week who proclaimed she was a believer. She just found out she was pregnant by a young man whom she no longer cared for (proving she had already taken at least one wrong turn!) She knew abortion was wrong; she even told us how she knew there would be a day she would be forced to tell her future husband and children about how she “killed their brother or sister.” She even smiled at the sight of her baby on the ultrasound, saying how cute little babies were. Even so, she never wavered in her commitment to destroy what she clearly knew was her child.

I can’t even begin to tell you how many people of faith come through our doors and tell us that they know abortion is wrong, but they have “no choice.” They are either embarrassed by the pregnancy or feel like a child would “ruin” their lives. They shut their ears to the truth and rationalize why they “need” to walk down the path of death. I fear for them, wondering what else they will be closing their hearts and minds to without even being aware they are doing it.

Beware getting to a point where pro-life sentiment annoys you. When you feel like people should shut up about abortion. Beware the voices in your mind that will begin to say that saving the unborn is only one way to be truly “pro-life.” After all, we rationalize, what about the death penalty or providing welfare for the poor? We can’t be so “close-minded” as to dismiss candidates just because they aren’t against abortion because they may be the best candidate overall. Once we get to that point, we know the silent screams have stopped ringing in our heads. If our voices, the only voice the unborn have, stop shouting then we have not yet begun to feel the full force of the slaughter which will take place in the womb.

It’s such a simple path to take that it frightens me. “For the gate is wide and the road is easy that leads to destruction and many enter through it (Matthew 7:13.) Thank you, Abby, for sharing your story. We need both the warning and the wake-up call!

Keeping it true!  Barb

Monagamous Marriage: The Glue That Holds Our Society Together!

When I was reading through websites the other day I came upon an article entitled, “What Do You Say to ‘I Don’t Believe in Monogamy’?” It was written by a young woman who was recently divorced and went out with man whom she described as “stylish and charming.” However, he informed her right up front that he believed in commitment but not monogamy. Hmmm…. I’m still not sure what that even means. In my book, commitment and monogamy go hand in hand. Can you be committed to someone, but continue to have sex with other people?

This writer was questioning everything; she had been very hurt by a husband she trusted who cheated on her.  “What if having sex with someone other than your partner isn’t just a ‘lifestyle’ choice? What if it’s also not an issue of right or wrong? What if our culture has simply indoctrinated us with beliefs around love, commitment, attraction and sex that end up emotionally terrorizing us unnecessarily at some point, or all throughout, our lives?”

This author ended up by concluding that she could not throw out monogamy; that she would not be able to handle a relationship where her partner was not faithful to her. However, she did make the point that we should question everything that we have always believed to make certain that it is true. This got me thinking about the reasons that I think monogamous marriage was not only set in place by God, but is crucial for the future of our world.

When I was in college, I had a scholarship in forensics. I went to many speech contests with a piece I wrote entitled, “True Women’s Liberation Only Happens in Jesus Christ.” I did a lot of research into other cultures and discovered that women were really only respected and protected by law in nations with a Judeo-Christian heritage.  History is filled with the abuse of women, even in the whole realm of marriage and divorce. It was in America and Europe that divorce laws were written to protect women financially and to ensure that they were treated fairly. In other areas of the world, they can still be cast aside by their husbands like they were garbage instead of human beings made in the image of God.

In Genesis, God created Eve from Adam’s rib and put the two together as partners in life. Men were instructed to leave their parents and be united to their wife and the two would become one.  Divorce was later begrudgingly allowed by Moses because hearts had become hardened and protective rules needed to be set in place. It was never God’s intention that marriage commitments should dissolve; they were intended to remain in place for life.

I am certainly not going to deny the cruelties and abuses that take place in many marriages.  Just because a wedding has taken place does not put a seal of happiness and security upon a relationship. The Bible clearly states that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” If both the man and the woman in the relationship are not willing to work  hard and to sacrifice their own needs and desires (at least occasionally!) their marriage will be rocky at best. In my experience, if even the thought of divorce is entertained, it is probably inevitable.

If many marriages go bad and cause so much pain, both to the spouses and to any children that come along, why should it continue to be upheld as a good thing for our world? Why should anyone have to work so hard to live in an exclusive relationship with one other person for the rest of their lives? Why not just jump from mate to mate to mate?

There are many essential reasons why life-long, committed, monogamous marriages between one man and one woman are the best way for our society, as a whole, should live. These include:

1. Marriage is the key to living a longer, healthier life. Several studies have shown that happily married people tend to eat healthier, have more friends, and live to an older age. The longer the marriage lasts, the greater the rewards become. Married couples also tend to be higher on the economic scale, with fewer living below the level of poverty than any other group.

2. Living with married parents is the most advantageous situation for children. Study after study have shown that the chances of a child growing up in poverty are directly correlated to the marital status of their parents. Children of single mothers fare the worst, with those whose parents co-habit, but have not married, coming in second.

The great majority of prison inmates grew up without married parents. The same is true for drug addicts and teenagers who find themselves pregnant. The healthiest, happiest children, who are the most likely to seek higher education and live productive lives, are those raised with both mother and father in a healthy marriage relationship.

3. Marriage was God’s idea in the first place. He created us and knows what is best for us.  We should listen to Him!

We’ve all heard horror stories of terrible marriages. There are also many studies on the devastating effect that divorce has on children. However, too often this has been used as an excuse to discredit the institution of marriage altogether. I strongly believe that our country will rise or fall with the strength or failure of marriage.

Everyday in my work I see young people who have been taught that they are the center of the universe. Many (of course there are exceptions!) make all their decisions based on how things will personally affect them and their happiness. If a baby is inconvenient, they abort it. Even if they are in a good, committed relationship, they will often have sex with someone else if the mood strikes. I’ve spoken with many who will abort or keep based on the conception date since one guy they love and the other was just a one time thing.

Marriages do not last if they are built on such shifting and watered-down commitments. Far too many couples say “I do” just so they can have a fantastic, party-filled, me-centered wedding. That is not the life-long, death ’til us part dedication that God had in mind. We have all seen too many of these sham-marriages fall apart within the first few months or years.

True, life-long, gut it out, sacrificial marriages still exist. Every week the newspaper celebrates couples celebrating their 50th and even 75th wedding anniversaries. I think that most little girls still dream of finding the love of their life and living happily ever after. They just aren’t being taught it requires a tough love filled with self-sacrifice and never-say-die commitment, which begins even before the two meet with a dedication to a chaste lifestyle (saving sex before marriage and remaining faithful in marriage.)

I also saw a study recently which questioned whether human beings are really meant to be monogamous. It asked the question as to whether limiting ourselves sexually to just one person went against our nature.  In our present, anything goes society, the whole concept has certainly been ridiculed and belittled. However, the One who created us told us long ago that this was the type of life He designed for our welfare and happiness. The facts bear that out. Let’s just pray that it can survive the onslaught. I know it will in my life. How about yours?

Keeping it true!  Barb

Vice President Biden: Ignoring the Suffering of Forced Abortions To Insure Our Economic Security?

I have been concerned ever since I learned how much money the United States was borrowing from China, as to how it would impact our stance on their brutal abortion policy.  I had my answer with Vice President Biden’s visit this weekend to assure the Chinese that our economy is still stable in spite of the fact that our credit rating has been downgraded (I wish he could assure us about that!) It turns out that he is not going to “second-guess” their policy of brutally forcing women to kill their unborn children, even sometimes just days from giving birth. Turns out our government doesn’t care about human rights, at least where abortion is concerned.

Actually, the full statement that Biden made was: “Your policy (of only allowing one child, except in rural areas if the first child is a girl; of forced abortions and sterilizations; of prison sentences,  forced labor camps and other human rights abuses for violators) has been one which I fully understand- I’m not second guessing- of one child per family.”

He did make one objection. He pointed out to the Chinese officials that they will face economic problems by having only one wage earner to care for four retired people, and that this was “not sustainable.” He admitted that the United States faces this dilemma as well (although not to the severity of China,) an admission that surprised me. I have spoken previously in this blog about countries like Russia and the situation they face as the result of too many aborted children. There are simply not enough young people to fill the labor force and pay the bills for the huge numbers of those at retirement age. Reggie Littlejohn, of Women’s Rights Without Frontiers, called it a “senior tsunami.” It is what happens when a society kills off too many of their young people and the remaining population continues to age. I knew about it and our government had to know as well; I’m just shocked that Biden admitted it.

To his credit, John Boehner, the House Speaker, issued a statement criticizing Biden’s comments: “No government on Earth has the authority to place quotas on the value of human life, or to treat life as an economic commodity that can be regulated and taken away on a whim by the state. I hope and trust that the Vice President didn’t actually say what has been reported, and that a correction or clarification from the White House will be forthcoming.”

Well, he did say it, Mr. Speaker. And I will be shocked if anyone in the White House will contradict it.  Earlier this year, Chinese President, Hu Jintao visited us and it is not reported that our president said one word against the brutal policy. This administration reinstated funding for the United Nations Population Fund (defunded by President Bush) which supports the Chinese policy as well as endorsing abortion in many countries around the world. Their support for this inhumane and deadly travesty is made evident both by their silence and where the money goes. (Actually, the $105 million comes from us, the taxpayers!)

The Chinese government proudly boasts that they have “prevented” over 400 million births. An entire nation’s worth of people have either never been conceived by forced sterilizations or slaughtered forcibly in their mother’s womb. And, the great majority of these were girls. Gender selection abortions are huge in China. Reports are that this has led to a drastic increase in human trafficking and sex slavery, especially among the wealthy.

What is going to happen as we continue to become more and more in debt to this nation that not only slaughters its innocents, but also has an infamous reputation of torturing and even murdering those who stand in opposition to the government? Have we forgotten Tiananmen Square? Maybe you weren’t old enough, but I remember vividly the footage of unarmed people being slaughtered for standing up for their rights.

Maybe I am naive in my thinking, but what is to stop them from calling in their debt and taking us over when we cannot pay? Isn’t it considered stupid (and unhealthy)  to borrow money from criminals? Do we honestly think we can continue on this path without having to pay an enormous price? I hate to see the United States be indebted to anyone, but China has to be the worst choice there can be.

How can we remain safe from China’s fate if our elected officials face the barbarity with not only compromise but complicity? Does Biden want to see the same things implemented here? Or, is it just the economic ramifications which give him pause? Frightening, isn’t it? And, maddening as well. We need to vote these guys out of office!

Keeping it true!  Barb

What Happens When a Sibling Has Been Lost to Abortion?

I have been a part of the AAA Center for Pregnancy Counseling for over 26 years.  I think one of the most difficult things for me to face is a woman who is attempting to justify an abortion for the sake of her other children. I always want to tell them that they need to think of another reason because the best thing for her little ones is to have a brother or a sister.  In fact, explaining to sons and daughters a few years in the future as to why they aborted their sibling will probably be the most difficult thing they will ever do (unless they choose to make it a life-long secret.)

I just read an article by Philip G. Ney, MD, a Canadian therapist, who dealt with just such a situation in a family. A 15-year-old girl, Susan, had been referred to him because her mood was becoming increasingly more irritable; lately she  had been experimenting with drugs and had a series of relationships with boys. When the mother spoke with Dr. Ney, she carefully pointed out that Susan, as well as her brother, were both very wanted children, and had been deliberately planned. Yet, bonding had never seemed to occur with her little girl.

When asked about life, Susan kept responding that she didn’t feel her life was worth living. She felt guilty for just being there. “My mom keeps telling me I was wanted, but that doesn’t always sound so good. I wonder what happens if she stops wanting me. What happened to any of her pregnancies she didn’t want? If she had an abortion, that would mean that she killed one of my brothers or sisters.” As it turned out, her parents had aborted two siblings before Susan was conceived; but as far as they knew, they never told her.

Dr. Ney pointed out to the parents that it sounded like Susan had PASS (Post Abortion Survivor Syndrome.) One of the main symptoms of this is Survivor Guilt. The nature of abortion is so random. What makes a parent keep one child but abort another? Often it is a matter of economics. And, many times women will feel guilty about aborting one baby and have another child within months to atone for the first one. The children who are allowed to be born wonder why they lived while others died.  If it is because they were wanted, what happens if they do something that will make their parents change their mind?

Abortion teaches children that they have worth because they were conceived in the right conditions and at the right time; that they have value because their parents want them. Up to 50% of all American children have lost a brother or a sister to abortion, making it much more likely that they live with a performance view of love: I was born because I was wanted therefore I better perform so they will continue to love me. How desperately our culture needs to be told that their value comes from God and is not dependant on what anybody thinks. Each baby has been created in God’s image from the moment of conception and is invaluable in His eyes.

The whole area that terrifies me is a case which is becoming more and more common all the time. With In-Vitro, sometimes more than one baby implants and begins to grow. Therefore, the parents randomly select which of those children will be allowed to continue on to birth.  Can you imagine discovering that you were once part of a set of twins or triplets (or even more!) but that your parents had the others destroyed so your chances at survival would be greater (or simply because they only wanted one child.) The knowledge that they survived and others died because of a random choice is overwhelming for many. Some, like Susan, seem to know that siblings died without even being told.

I do not think every child with aborted siblings risks condemnation to a life of guilt. I know of families where the mother (or father) had aborted children years ago and then came to a saving faith in Christ.  By the time their other babies were born, their mindset had totally changed. Their sons and daughters were valued because of their intrinsic worth in God and not because they were convenient. I can’t help but think that this will make all the difference.

Christ can set anyone free from Survivor Guilt, or anything else for that matter. He can forgive Susan’s father and mother for what they did so many years before. Unfortunately, our society continues to believe that there is nothing wrong with abortion. It is considered noble and responsible to only bring “wanted” children into the world (ie, Planned Parenthood!)

Tragically, abortion tends to become a generational curse: women whose mothers aborted tend to have abortions themselves. Wounded siblings now beget wounded siblings. Just how vast the ramifications are for our society may never be known. The death of an unborn child affects many, many people.

If you have had a sibling killed by abortion, please don’t hesitate to seek out help. Tragically, because of the pro-abortion sentiment in our culture, many so-called mental health professionals may deny your situation. Hopefully you can find a church with counselors who may be willing to listen. If nothing else, please call us here at the Center. Our number is 402-390-9700. We will try to set you up with a Christian counselor who will care about you.

Keeping it true!  Barb

 

New Report: Children More Likely to Have Unmarried Parents than Divorced and the Tragic Consequences!

“Flash mobs” of angry young people have been roaming around attacking innocent bystanders here and overseas.  By all reports, they are children from the lowest economic levels; jobless and living off the government dole.

Statistics show that the greatest factor for poverty in children is the marital status of their parents (plus the fact of a father being present at all!) With a new report just out stating that more parents than ever before are choosing to refrain from marriage, it appears that the number of children doomed to poverty will continue to rise.

The new report, published by the National Marriage Project (an initiative of the University of Virginian) and the Institute for American Values, sites data from the Centers for Disease Control. Their numbers show that by the age of 12,  42% of children have lived with parents who were not married but cohabitating,  By comparison, 24% have parents who have divorced.

Again, according to the report, births to white women in cohabitating relationships rose by two-thirds from 1990 to the mid-2000s. With black women this rose by about half and it doubled for Hispanics. Divorce rates have remained stable; however, according to the report this may be because “unstable couples” are skipping marriage altogether.

A second report that I read this morning (Child Poverty Rate Climbs in 38 States- Huffington Post Business) stated that the child poverty rates have increased by 18% between 2000 and 2009. They attributed this to the dismal economy (which I am sure plays a part.) However, it appears that parents living in a marriageless state (or not being together at all) contribute heavily to this condition as well. In fact, the first article on cohabitation points out that there seems to be two types of family models emerging in our society, both very distinctive in nature.

It appears that economics and education play a large role in determining what kind of family a child will be born into. Strong marriages tend to occur with parents who are educated and secure financially. Whereas, couples who live together are more likely to have no more than a high school degree and fall below the poverty line economically. In turn, children who grow up in homes where the parents never marry are more likely to do the same. This should come as no surprise; most people follow the pattern in which they’ve been raised.

What this all basically comes down to is more evidence that our country has condemned millions of people to generational poverty by making them dependant on the welfare system. People have developed an entitlement mentality, where they feel that society owes them everything they need (and want) in their lives. The recent “flash mobs” were birthed by this way of thinking. Young people are born into poverty and cannot see anyway out. Generations before them have lived that way, and they are not given much hope of life ever-changing. Part of me cannot blame them for their anger.

People must always be held accountable for their actions. And, there are countless stories of determined individuals who climb out of welfare to live a productive life. In spite of this, a large share of the blame must fall upon those in Washington who continue to snare the poor with bigger and better entitlement packages, ignoring the dismal statistics that all these do is increase the number of children and families trapped below the poverty level.

Deeper and deeper we spiral out of control. The entertainment and music industries preach their gospel of irresponsible sex with more passion (and profanities) every year. Marriage is denigrated and legislated out of recognition. Fewer couples marry; more children are born into unstable homes and below the poverty level.  Millions more become trapped in the generational curse of the hopeless world of welfare. And, on and on it goes.

When will we stop the insanity? Satan couldn’t devise a better plan for our destruction if he tried. Add to that our disastrous economy, and the future seems pretty bleak.

God has promised us that if “we humble ourselves and pray” that He can save our land. I confess that I have not fasted and prayed for our nation nearly as much as I should. We also need to continue to shine the light of truth into the darkness, even if it seems like all we have is a tiny flashlight.

Sometimes when I look at all the wickedness around me I find it difficult to pray that God will save America . Then I remember all the innocent children, born and unborn, who are hapless victims and I pray on their behalf. I truly believe that nations rise and fall based on their treatment of the “least among us.” We must strive to do our part to turn things around before this country crumbles and falls.

Keeping it true!  Barb

 

Should Late-term Abortionists Pay For Damages They Cause?

In November of 2001, Carol Howard paid abortionist James Pendergraft $1300 to abort her child. She knew she was pretty far along, but no ultrasound was done to confirm just how far. According to court documents, Ms. Howard had been given drugs which were designed to kill her child and send her into labor. She was supposed to deliver her stillborn into one of the clinic’s toilets.

However, after 12 hours of labor, Carol Howard left the clinic very upset that things were taking too long and went to a nearby hospital. They delivered a baby girl who weighed 1 lb. 6 oz., very much alive but consumed with a host of severe medical ailments. At 10 years old, she has cerebral palsy, no function on the left side of her body, strokes and brain damage, problems with development and lung damage. Pendergraft was found liable for her medical conditions, the result of her “botched abortion.” His recent appeal was denied, and he must pay $36 million in damages.

If you are like me, a whole host of conflicted thoughts are entering your mind. Has he been sued because he failed to complete the abortion, or, in other words, because this little girl is still alive, or because of her injuries? The mother’s attorney argued that if Pendergraft had done an ultrasound, it would have been determined that the child was 22 weeks and beyond the point of viability, in which case Ms. Howard declares she would not have pursued an abortion. I’m not doubting her word, but I can’t help but believe that if the baby had been born dead in that clinic toilet a few hours earlier, there would have been no court case. The cruel irony of that bothers me a lot!

Don’t get me wrong: I believe that this butcher owes this little girl for the pain she will suffer at his hands. However, on top of all the physical suffering, how does a child cope with the fact that her own mother tried to kill her? Perhaps she repented of that long ago and has made that fact clear to her little girl. I hope that is the case. Even still, unless brain damage prevents it, there will be a day when that child will realize that if all had gone as planned, she would be dead. Pendergraft’s mal-practice cruelly injured her but it also saved her life.

In spite of the fact that James Pendergraft has had his medical license suspended four times for botched abortions, illegal late-term abortions, and dipensing drugs without a license, he was exposed recently by Operation Rescue for opening a secret late-term abortion business around Washington D.C. He opened up a website at www.latetermabortion.net, that spells out how he is available to “help” women from all over the world to abort their late-term pregnancies.

Everything is kept very “hush-hush.” Patients are instructed that “on the day of arrival, you will be told of a designated area to meet based on when you arrive to the D.C. area by plane, train, car or other form of transportation.” They are told that only one other person can come with them to the secret spot where the procedure will occur.

Pendergast’s new preferred method for killing late-term babies? He injects a spinal needle into the fetal heart where “a feticide agent or 50 cc’s of air is injected via a syringe to stop the fetal heart beat.” They are then sent on their way within 10 to 15 minutes to await the delivery of their dead child. Where? Well that is not mentioned. I guess they are on their own. Oh, but the website does warn that severe bleeding might occur, and even death by sepsis, but they can call the 24 hour number if they have any concerns or questions.

Late term means that the baby is probably over 20 weeks, even as much as close to normal delivery size. Shame may keep some of these women from seeking legitimate medical help to deliver. That could put her at great risk, physically as well as emotionally. We had a woman come to us here at the Center who had a late-term abortion over two decades ago. She gave birth to a live baby girl all alone in a toilet. She called for help, but the clinic staff allowed the child to die.  That horrendous memory has haunted her every day, causing her such depression that she has been unable to sleep or keep a steady job. I can only imagine how many “walking wounded” women there are out there.

I have beaten this drum before, but I will continue to say this until the day I die: there is never a reason for any abortion, but there is especially no excuse for late-term abortions!  Especially tragic are the stories of loving and caring parents who have been convinced that they should abort a child who the doctors think will be handicapped or not survive birth. These mothers and fathers should never be presented with such a terrible quandary. They should, instead, be provided with information on hospice care which will lovingly provide information and comfort to prepare them to have their precious child and then to deal with the death or the handicap with support and compassion.

How can abortion ever be conveyed as compassion? What is compassionate about the methods in which babies are killed in the womb? How can a doctor prescribe dismemberment or an injection of poison to the heart as the best option? Plus, we have all heard of many cases where the doctor was wrong in his diagnosis; where children who should have died at birth or born as “vegetables’ not only lived but thrived! Death leaves no room for miracles to occur or prayers to be answered; it is the end of all hope.

Should late-term abortionists like Pendergast have to pay for the damages they cause to those who have survived their ghastly procedures? Yes, I am glad he has to pay millions to this poor little girl. I think he should also have to pay for the counseling many of patients will have to seek to pull them out the deep despair that haunts them after the sight of their dead, fully formed, perfect children lying in disgrace in a toilet. It may not happen in this world, but I take comfort in the fact that there will be a day of reckoning, as well as a time when the insanity of this world will end.

Keeping it true!  Barb

 

Why Sex Education (As We Know It) Will Never Work!

Fox News has redeemed itself! Yesterday I blogged about a horrendous article I found on the Fox website, espousing the “benefits” of casual sex for college students. Today I found an editorial by a physician which is the polar opposite. In fact, I think I have discovered a “soul sister” on the subject of teen sexual behavior and the courageous and radical measures we must begin to take to turn this generation around before they destroy themselves.

The physician, Dr. Anne Nolte, comments on a decision made in New York City to mandate sex education in all their middle schools and high schools. Upon examination, she discovered that, like most school programs, they gave minimal lip-service to abstinence and focused primarily on contraceptives as the solution to the epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancies.  Nebraska considered a similar bill, LB 192, this past session (I was not able to discover if it passed or not. Can anyone help me out?)

I agree with Dr. Nolte when she states that she can understand the state’s motivation behind these sex-ed initiatives. Teen sexual activity is reeking havoc and has incredibly serious consequences. I have read predictions that we have not begun to see the number of women who will no longer be able to conceive when the time is right to have a child: their bodies will be too scarred by disease and abortion. I know a woman who aborted the only three children she will ever have; perhaps you know similar stories.

Dr. Nolte, like myself, thinks it is insanity to continue with “graphic sex education… which teaches kids about the risks of early sexual behavior and provides detailed information about how to decrease those risks.” This method has done very little, except to anger parents and stir up controversy. The statistics overwhelmingly show that it has not effected the outcome, except to make it worse.

Dr. Nolte tells of a 17 or 18-year-old patient who came to the prenatal clinic where she was working years ago. In the first trimester they treated her for chlamydia. In the second, it was genital warts. In the third trimester they had to hospitalize her after a suicide attempt when she discovered she had contracted incurable genital herpes. She quotes the girl as saying: “How could this happen to me? We used a condom almost every time!”

She goes to on tell about the effort she saw her colleagues making to ensure every new teen mom left the hospital with contraceptives and education on “safe sex.” In spite of all their efforts, a “staggering number” returned to the clinic within six months, pregnant with another child.  Most young women these days could teach a class on condoms and birth control; more education is not the solution!

I can’t say it better than Dr. Nolte: “If we had the courage to look honestly at teen pregnancy, we wouldn’t be satisfied with a mandate that does the equivalent of placing a tiny band-aid on a gushing artery. If we had the courage to admit that we don’t have a solution, we’d be unwilling to spend more money on an old model that has pretty much failed.”

She goes on to ask why we can’t do the same with teen sex like we do with no-smoking or no-soda-drinking campaigns. That is a great question, and, sadly, I think I know the answer. It is not just young people who are consumed with sex these days; it crosses over into almost every generation. If we begin to take an honest, hard look at why abstinence is the only solution for teens, older adults would be forced to examine their own lifestyles as well. In our sex saturated and free-for-all world, that is not likely to happen.

In our society, eating and smoking habits are considered fair game. Laws have been passed to restrict smoking in most public places (for which, I must admit, I am grateful) and more restrictions are being placed on fast food restaurants and school cafeterias all the time. However, a person’s sexual activity is considered off-limits, even though the consequences effect all of us to an even greater degree than smoking or obesity ever could. Even more devastating, irresponsible sexual activity leaves millions of innocent victims: children who are either aborted or trapped in the poverty-filled world of single parenthood.

So, the powers that be continue to shake their heads over the high rates of STD’s and teen pregnancy and then vote into the law the only solution that they dare to pass: information on the “wonders” of contraceptives and sensitivity training on accepting everyone no matter what their sexual choices are. As a result, things continue to get worse. Is there any hope?

As I mentioned yesterday, the AAA Center for Pregnancy Counseling has a team of speakers in the schools which focuses on the development of healthy relationships. They encourage students to respect themselves and their dreams enough to wait to have sex with a person who loves them enough to commit to a marriage relationship. This fall, they will be adding a class called “Marriage is Cool,” which will bring married couples (especially African-American) into the classroom to model healthy relationships and answer questions. Please pray for their impact upon the lives of our youth!

In a world gone mad, we must continue to beat the drum of sanity and truth! As Dr. Nolte concluded her article: “…our teens will continue to pay the price for our lack of courage.” So will future generations. Please pray about how you can influence the young people in your life. If we all did our part, maybe this battle could be won.

Keeping it true!  Barb